Last night, I sat down with Dirty Dan and Phat Pat to watch Billiam Clinton’s speech at the Democratic Convention. Well, most of it. The Sox were on at the same time and I have priorities. All in all, I give it an ok/10. Not a bad speech, started off strong, but could have been better. By the time he was done talking I was sick of his voice though, which I guess isn’t his fault.
The first ten to twenty minutes of it or so were really good. Like, if Bill talking about the early days of his relationship with Hillary were all I’d ever heard about her, I’d probably vote for her. But I do know more, and even though Bill could sell cow shit to a rancher, it’s not gonna change my mind. I just can’t forget all the blood on her hands, like beloved ape Harambe. It’s nothing against Slick Willy, I just don’t agree with Hillary’s positions on stuff, most notably gorilla murder and socialism.
Me started getting kinda boring after that, around when they got to his time as governor of Arkensas, in which he pretty much admitted to being bad at the job. He was talking about how, under him, Arkensas had the worst schools in the country. It was supposed to be a big praise for Hillary thing because she did stuff to fix the schools, but that was my big take away was that he wasn’t doing a very good job. And that Hillary, despite him, made stuff sorta better. Not that much better though, because they’re still only 44th in the country, which isn’t very good considering there are only 50 states.
In closing, I’m not sure what the National Inquirer keeps talking about with their whole “Bill Clinton is dying” shtick, because he looked pretty good last night. Thin, but in a healthy way. White hair, but not bald. He’ll make a very handsome First Gentleman should Hillary win.
P.S. Even though I don’t like Hillary, I thought that glass shattering thing she did was kinda cool.