As If the Olympics Weren’t Cool Enough


With the Olympics commencing only a week or so from now, I’ve already become moderately excited, which is saying something. But through my dutiful research, I’ve learned a new detail that’ll shed some further insight into exactly what our athletes will be going through. Namely, the IOC is giving every single athlete 42 condoms.

Mathemaically speaking, this basically means that over the two week event they expect the average athlete to need 3 condoms a day. This sounds excessive… probably because it is. Apparently these miracles of genetics and try-hard parenting can’t occupy their down time in Rio any other way. Granted they can’t exactly go for a swim in the river, or walk the streets, or do anything else.

Additionally, the IOC is claiming this excess of protection is not even in response to Zika concerns, but just ’cause they know how these Olympians are, and they don’t want some Russian-Chinese super gymnast babies to ruin future Olympics to come.

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