There I was, minding my own business at the Sox game tonight, when I looked up at the board. That’s when I made a very startling realization: we didn’t actually win World War Two. Facing off against each other was Junichi Tazawa, of the Red Sox but also Japan, and Max Kepler, a Minnisota Twin and one of the 43 native born Germans in the MLB. Imagine my horror!
There I was trying to enjoy America’s game when all of a sudden I’m being confronted by a Japanese guy and a German guy staring each other down on the field. As if we never even won in 1945! As if they don’t understand that we beat them and that baseball is America’s game.
This is clearly proof that the Axis powers are infiltrating America from the inside. They’re becoming our sports heroes just so they can get in our heads and take over our country. Thank God the Celtics got rid of Gigi Detome, otherwise the Italians would still be in on it. We need to do a thorough investigation of what’s going on here.