I Want Chris Sale

Chris Sale is an absolute nut. He hated the throwback jerseys he, along with the rest of the White Sox, were supposed to wear when he was starting the other day. He hated the jersey so much that he cut it up. Just destroyed the thing. But he didn’t stop there. He looked around the locker room and though, “Hm, I bet I can prove a point real quick,” and then he chopped up everyone else on the team’s jersey, too. That’s an absolutely ridiculous thing to do. He’s on a five game suspension right now, which really mean that he misses one of his starts and can’t hang out in the bullpen for the other four games. Big whoop. He’s still one of the best pitchers in the American League, with a 14-3 record and a 3.18 ERA

His fancy record and pretty okay ERA are not the reasons why I want him on the Red Sox. I want him because he is a crazy person. Crazy people make better pitchers. It’s a scientifically proven fact. Greg Maddux comes to mind as one example. The man was a lunatic, and also one of the best pitchers of all time. Jonathon Paplebon, who was at one time my favorite player in the Majors, also does nutty shit all the time. He did an Irish jig during the ’07 World Series parade. That’s silly. He ate fried chicken and drank beer in the bullpen, which is both baller and insane. Love the man.

Chris Sale is a good pitcher, and he just proved himself to be a loon. Loons win World Series. It’s one of the few things I have unwavering confidence in. The Red Sox need to pick him up ASAP.

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