iPhones are 10,000% Better Than Androids


So there’s a group chat of me and all my contributors here at Skimmer’s. Pretty much its sole purpose is for me to yell at them to give me #content and for them to ignore me. It’s a vicious cycle that often leaves me in a pool of my own tears because I thought these people were my friends, how could they just ignore me like that? Do they not like me or something? I try so hard to make them like me!

Anyway, this group chat is fine and all, but not really because every text message I receive is green. Every single one. I hate it, and it’s all because Mittlestadt thinks his Galaxy Pretension 4 is a “big boy phone,” and yes he actually used those exact words.


What a fucking tool.

Usually I’m not one to put a man on blast like this, but we’ve made a bet. We’re both writing articles arguing the case for our operating system of choice. Mine is obviously iPhone, and his is Android.

My first point in this debate is the fact that iMessage is so much better than regular texting. As demonstrated above, it makes group messages so much more organized and fun. When someone without an iPhone is in on them, you can’t do fun stuff like name the group chat or put people on mute. Taking that away from iPhone users is sort of like waving a big middle finger at us, and that’s just plain rude.

Second is the fact that iPhones are just nicer looking. Everyone thinks iPhones are just sort of sleek and attractive, as far as a cell phone can be attractive. In a poll I just did of three random people in a parking lot, they all agreed to that, and I think that makes the stat gospel.

My third point is that iPhones have surpassed BlackBerry as the best phone to use for business. That’s not a claim I’m pulling out of my ass, either. I read a very detailed and good article about it in the Wall Street Journal. If I wasn’t so lazy I would find it and link it here, but I am lazy so find it yourself if you’re interested. What this means is that despite what Mittelstadt might say, iPhones are the true “big boy phone.” They’re preferred by top business executives.

This brings me to my fourth and most important point. Girls prefer iPhones. Girls would rather text a guy who has an iPhone. I did a quick interview with Skimmer’s Digest’s own Mel on this. She said that most girls she knows have iPhones, and most of them consider it a major turnoff to receive a green text message. She said, and I quote, “Blue is better.” Also, apparently girls like to send and receive emojis, and the emojis on Android are bad looking. If this point isn’t reason enough to go with an iPhone, nothing is.

Leave a Reply