Loons to Come Back to Massachusetts


For once I’m not talking about crazy baseball players when I say “loons.” I am actually talking about birds. Loons are sorta like ducks that make scary noises.

That is fucking terrifying. I don’t want that anywhere near where I sleep. I get that they’re endangered, but humans took over nature for a reason: so we didn’t have to be afraid of anything. Descartes described mankind as the masters of nature, and damn straight we are. Part of that mastery is getting rid of scary birds. Instead of being the masters of nature and killing everything we don’t like, instead we’re bringing back those God damned birds.

Per the Boston Globe:

“‘Restore the Call,’ a program headed by the Biodiversity Research Institute, in Portland, Maine, will bring 10 common loon chicks to Massachusetts waters in the next few weeks to help restore the birds’ population.”

No. Hell no. Hell fucking no. Keep them away from me. I don’t want any part in their populations being restored. This is going to come back to bite us in the ass. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Within the next few years, there will be loons running all over the place, making that weird noise, scaring us so much that we can’t sleep. Since no one in Massachusetts will be able to sleep, everything will be terrible. Nothing will get done anymore and we’ll turn into Mississippi.

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