Do you love Ben and Jerry’s ice cream? I mean, yeah, it’s pretty good, and at times I would maybe go as far as to take a life just to get my hands on some fudge brownie ice cream, but is it really worth it? You can decide shortly, but allow me to fill you in on a couple of interesting things that have been going on in the creamy frozen creepy super liberal world of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.
There have been warning signs on the ice cream itself for years. The small little patch that they worked into the front label of their pint sized ice cream cups. The ones that say the ingredients in the ice cream were locally sourced. Take for example the label on the chocolate fudge brownie ice cream pint (most of my knowledge of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream will be based on my experiences with chocolate fudge brownie ice cream) that says all of the brownies are bought from a local upstate New York bakery. At first I thought, okay wow it must be a kick-ass bakery, but no its actually just their version of weird farmers market ice cream veganism bullshit.
Oh Ben and Jerry’s no. Please let it stop here.
Everything was fine and I was pleased enough with my frozen treats, but I just recently found out some disturbing news. This is not new stuff but being the uninterested, uninvolved idiot that I am, I just found this.
Ben and Jerry’s cofounder Ben Cohen decided to give Bernie Sanders his own ice cream flavor, but being the sneaky little liberal dynamic duo they are, Ben and his buddy Jerry didn’t hype up a big release but opted to avoid any political backlash and only produce 40 pints of what they call “Bernie’s Yearning”.
First of all what the fuck is that name. I don’t know about the rest of the ice cream consumer market, but eating a pint of one man’s ‘yearnings’ sounds goddamn disgusting. That sounds like some shit you would find on some sort of fucked up gay porn website, but hey if you’re about it and you crave Bernie’s yearnings, go for it. If you can manage to get past the name, you’ll notice under it instead of telling you whats inside this mysterious cup of ‘yearning’, it just says “Open Joyfully political revolution inside” with a big portrait of Bernie’s face plastered on the cup next to it. Not much information is given but at least theres political revolution inside instead of a big frozen cup of Bernie yearning. Now, as many curious consumers would, you’d probably turn over the container to see if theres any information on what the hell you’re actually about to eat on the back of the container. Wrong again my friend. No ingredients here, just a short paragraph: “A participatory flavor including a graphic description of what is wrong in our country (in 3D frozen confectionary form) and a tribute to the only presidential candidate who has offered solutions that will actually fix the problems.”. Bold words there Ben, I wonder how Bernie is faring in the polls right now? Oh, shit never mind.
Until ice cream is no longer grounds for political debate, I will be boycotting Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. If I wanted to discuss politics I would watch the news not go the freezer section of my local grocery store.
Jerry, please tell Ben to keep his political opinions out of my goddamn ice cream.
Oh, and Ben, in the words of Lil Yachty: “Nah, you trippin. Reevaluate your life.”