Lately, Melanie has been helping a competitor. She has been supporting the enemy, and it must be stopped. She is making this a hostile work environment. I do not feel safe around her.
Lately, Melanie has been reading BuzzFeed.
This is unacceptable workplace behavior. This needs to be punished.
Not only is BuzzFeed the type of trash culture I hate about America, well that and Duck Dynasty type bullcrap. But, they are kind of on opposite ends of the spectrum. At any rate, she is aiding and abetting trash culture. She must either be killed for it, or publicly humiliated.
Now, due to this being a first offense I feel as though death would be too harsh. But, only barely too harsh. Therefore, I truly believe she must be punished in some medieval way.
I feel that she should have to wear a heavy helmet, shaped like a cow head. This will serve to embarrass, as well as obstruct her view of BuzzFeed for the time she wears it. This time should be equal to three times longer than she has spent on that site in her life. It’s only just.